Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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