Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
