4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
