I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
the condom got lost in my hair
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
