I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?