when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
