Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
