Can i not drive my cunt home
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
