After last night, I could never be a politician.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
