as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I could fuck to npr.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
