Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
