the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
