Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize