Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize