he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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