so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
