i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
