we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
