I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
