Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
