She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize