If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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