i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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