I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
