I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
We have so much sex to catch up on
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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