the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
there was a trapeze. enough said
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
