I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
