Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
