we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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