Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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