Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
