You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
third nipple confirmed
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
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