I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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