She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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