uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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