and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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