apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
