The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
