Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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