Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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