I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I am mentally ready for anal.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
