watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Randomize
