Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
