you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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