He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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