I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Dignity is for republicans.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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