so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
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swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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