Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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