Ambien. No doubt about it.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
