So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
