just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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