just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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