Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
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Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
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It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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