This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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