Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
