So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Randomize
