IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
