I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
