A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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