i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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