Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
