i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize