also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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